This is not how it should be.
You've made Life's big decisions based on your best knowledge and what you thought was right and would make you happy. You've avoided risks, disapproval, uncertainty, discomfort and rejection. Yet the you now have never felt more wretched and unhappy.
You loathe yourself, your choices and your life. You can't see yourself remaining in status quo any longer yet you don't know what else you could do. You've lost the enthusiasm and hope that you are certain you had.
When did Life take a different turn, which you didn't recognise and pull the brakes in time? This is not the path you want...the person walking on this path doesn't even feel like you anymore!
You had the intent to be happy and comfortable but you feel like you're dying inside a little by the day.
You took collective wisdom as your own
Media, society or family may have had us believe for the longest time that we need to hold certain professions, belong to a certain salary bracket, achieve certain status and look a certain way to be considered successful and hence happy. We're highly unique individuals chasing pretty homogeneous stuff.
Perhaps it's easier and more practical, and some say wiser to go the safe path and do just what most people do. And that's what most people do.
- chasing someone else's dreams;
- just complying to social expectations and norms;
- doing something to prove to someone else and not to answer to yourself
- clueless about what you're good at and what you want from life; or
- running away from what challenges and scares you despite wanting it so much?
It'd help to think back about your vision for yourself when younger. Who did you see yourself becoming; what kind of life did you dream of living? Do you still want the same things? Maybe not and that's because you've evolved and you desire something drastically different now but your childhood vision should at least provide some hints. Whatever is taking up a huge space in your heart and mind now, what's stopping you from living them?
Forget about what most people say or think. Collective wisdom may supplement but cannot replace your own wisdom. Only you know what you can't live without. Don't be too lazy to think for yourself. It's your life we're talking about.
You are afraid of living the life you want
So you might know what you want but there's a reason you didn't do it in the first place, and they are valid reasons! Guess what, they are merely excuses conjured up by the rational mind after being hijacked by fear and insecurities.
The more important something is to us, the more we are afraid of going after it because we're afraid that it won't turn out well. We know how much it means to us and how devastated we'd be if it fails...and we want to avoid those emotions. In order not to risk not succeeding, we do nothing. And that has brought you to where you are today - an unhappy place. You have been living a life of fears instead of living a life you truly desire. Read: Here's what you don't know: you are living your fears
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."
If you could imagine having regrets, you already know how scary they are. If you are okay with that, then do nothing.